July 24, 2012

Wee heavy

Finally, finally this ginormasaur came out to live with us. Nine and a half pounds. Nine days past my due date. Great nurser. Snuggly and loud and already giving me some three hour stretches of sleep at night, bless him. He even flashed me a waking smile today, the little charmer.

We are enjoying some new words: "our son", "our children". It's like when we were first married and giggling over the words "husband" and "wife".

I feel he is a wise creature. He knew when to stay inside and then he picked the perfect day to come out. A slower labor, and another peaceful home birth, with our beloved midwife.

That's the happy news. We've also had sadness. In timing nearly too cruel to comprehend, my mother died a few days before my due date. Loving family came to me, friends brought us food, and over the next two weeks I regained my center and remembered how much I wanted to meet the little one I was carrying inside.

I think about her a lot. Doing all the things for him that she did for me. Wishing I could send her the birth announcement. It has been a time of great sadness, great remorse, great anger, great doubt, great emptiness.

And it's also a time of great joy, great wonder, great tenderness, great love, great growth. Never has my heart been so stretched. Life has a way of surprising us.

I am well cared for, we are all thriving. We know we are so blessed. I feel us finding our new balance together. I'm grateful to have my fabulous husband, sweet children, the warmth of summer, the compassion of friends, and a few months of maternity leave ahead of me.